What's around this week?
Clumsy, clunky, imperfection, messy... and connection
(Moonstrips Empire News, Eduardo Paolozzi, 1967) - It’s just here because I like it.
Clunkiness
A comment on another post (A Meeting Of Minds) has really stayed with me - and thanks to The Inward Sea for writing it. They said about the clarity in which I spoke about a dream and how normally it’s much more rough in their dream book, and I thought that’s exactly what it’s like for me to!
I have been contemplating since then, the polish and editing that goes into these posts, and writing for an audience, and actually what gets lost in that polishing—what is taken away of the message, and what can we get from the imperfections that makes things more enjoyable and relatable!?
I was sitting in sessions today and realising how often I feel clunky in what I say, like I’m getting it wrong, like what I’m saying or doing is making things worse somehow—and I could try and say something clever about ‘well maybe that’s countertransference —ie I’m picking up on how my client is feeling, and that may be true— but it still feels like it’s me—and a lot of the time I will be all of those things!
But there’s merit in it, because I am trying to reach someone, and work it out with them. I was sitting with someone today who was very far away and withdrawn, and every attempt to reach them felt bruising and exposing, but somehow we did meet, and that meant they were eventually able to share how they felt and really use the session.
Transparency
As I develop this Substack the challenges I encounter revolve around how I present ideas, what ideas to present, what may be interesting to others that matches something that I’m interested in writing about. I notice that in a one-to-one situation, I am comfortable with this clunky, clumsy element that may come in, and I can play with it, I can use it humorously and it builds rapport. I can own when I get something wrong in the moment, and I can act immediately by sensing the how the person I am with is responding.
Writing here is more performative. We write, put time and effort in—then the response, or lack of one, comes later, and then we gauge how the overall tone may have landed, or in all honesty maybe we don’t because of the silent readers that don’t respond, but are absorbing something… maybe. And so I wonder if I can be more natural here—clunky—and maybe that allows for some more connectivity. We shall see!
So the outcome of all this? An approach, and a style, and maybe that’s transferable here too.
Themes in the work
I think also it has been clear that connecting always wins over clever ideas. I have been really interested in the inferior function recently, and then it is interesting how much it shows up in sessions. However, sometimes it’s helpful to refer to it, and sometimes it’s not. Some people really appreciate the idea, and for others it takes them away from their experience, so there is a balance at play there.
Going into the silence
One of the most useful techniques I’ve been finding recently is this idea of ‘going into the silence’. If there is a big conundrum, something difficult around, a decision to make, there is something quite special about affording oneself an hour (anything over half an hour is great) to sit with the question and see what comes.
No distractions, no coffees, teas, nothing at all, just sit in a quiet place, undisturbed and wait. Contemplate the question. It doesn’t matter if you start thinking, just try and keep it related, if it’s not going away then pause and come back to the breath, the silence and stillness.
Something amazing happens anyway when being quiet and still for that long, and after 20 or 25 minutes there may be a different energy around the question — something new.. and if it doesn’t come then that’s fine.. give it a little more time.
It allows something to come through that gives us a little wisdom to a conundrum we didn’t know we could find a solution to.
If this is you unedited then I 100% welcome this! Also I am someone who can sometimes rush through decisions when I feel uncomfortable so your thoughts around sitting with a questions and pondering around it are definitely something I need to do. To use the silence as a tool rather than fear it.
Your writing is always a pleasure to read! And I 100% agree with you, ...the clunkiness is real.
I record all my classes. I listen to them, too. It doesn't matter whether I am teaching an English class or a class on mythology (nor does it really matter how much preparation I put into the class, disappointingly) there is always a clunkiness that makes me deeply uncomfortable, too. But I think that's normal when we are talking sincerely, or at least, when we are trying to pull real meaning out of what we know about the world or life and share it with others.
I can't find the source now, but I believe it was in the writings of either Lao Tzu or Chuang Tzu that I first realized the words that come out of our mouths (or fingers) are always going to be the discarded waste produced by the nourishment of the soul (just as happens with the physical nourishment we consume). This is not to disparage your (or anyone's) writing or teaching, simply to say that there is nothing wrong with a bit of an old polish every now and then... and also, perhaps, we should go a little easier on ourselves. It is not the words that nourish, but the ideas they transmit. And yours are wonderful. Thank you.